Identity & Sexuality in San Francisco

When Questions About Identity, Sexuality, or Belonging Become Difficult to Carry Alone

Questions about identity and sexuality are often deeply personal, and many people spend years trying to understand them privately before ever talking about them out loud. You may be questioning aspects of your identity, exploring sexuality or relationships differently than you have in the past, struggling with shame, or simply feeling disconnected from yourself in ways that are hard to explain.

Sometimes the struggle is not confusion itself, but loneliness. Many people become highly skilled at adapting to other people’s expectations, monitoring how they come across, or hiding parts of themselves in order to maintain connection or avoid conflict. Over time, this can create a painful sense of distance — from others, but also from yourself.

Therapy can become a place where these questions and experiences do not have to be rushed, solved, or carried alone.

Common Experiences

Identity and sexuality concerns can show up in many different ways. You may recognize yourself in some of these experiences:

• questioning aspects of your identity, sexuality, gender, or relationships
• uncertainty around coming out, visibility, or how “out” to be at work or in professional settings
• feeling disconnected from yourself or uncertain about what feels authentic
• shame, self-criticism, or fear of being judged by others
• difficulty talking openly about desires, needs, boundaries, fantasies, or sexual interests
• questions about sexuality, sexual identity, attraction, or uncertainty about labels
• navigating kink, fetish interests, open relationships, consensual non-monogamy, or relationship structures that others may not understand
• concerns about compulsive sexual behavior, sexual shame, or feeling confused or conflicted about aspects of your sexuality
• feeling caught between different communities, roles, identities, or expectations
• anxiety related to sexuality, gender, dating, belonging, or being misunderstood
• relationship struggles connected to identity, sexuality, or feeling different from others
• feeling lonely even while surrounded by supportive people
• a sense that you have spent years adapting yourself to fit others’ expectations
• difficulty knowing what you want apart from what others expect from you

My Approach

My style is warm, thoughtful, and deeply engaged. I work with people across a wide range of identities, relationship structures, and experiences, and I try to create a space where complexity does not have to be simplified or defended.

Together we pay attention not only to immediate concerns, but also to the emotional patterns, relationships, histories, and internal conflicts that shape how you experience yourself and others. Often this work is less about finding quick answers and more about becoming more connected to your own emotional life, desires, and sense of self.

Over time, many people find themselves feeling less alone, more grounded in who they are, and more able to live in ways that feel genuine rather than performed.

As past clinic director of Pacific Center for Human Growth, past director at the Department of Veteran Affairs (V.A.), and past staff at UC Berkeley Counseling Center, I have years of experience with issues unique to diverse communities, and in helping people navigate through major life changes while staying true to themselves.

Additional Reading
If these questions resonate, you may also find these reflections helpful.

— How Out Do I Need to Be? Sexuality, Identity, and Professional Life in San Francisco
— Why Some Gay Men Never Stop Preparing to Be Rejected
— Coming Out Later in Life: Why It Can Feel So Complicated
— Open Relationships, Monogamy, and Why Negotiating Love Is So Hard
— My Approach

Next Steps

If these questions or struggles feel familiar, therapy can become a place to explore them with curiosity, honesty, and support rather than carrying them alone.